Careful What You Wish For
by Nazmuko
Summary: A humorous Detour ficlet in which it actually rains sleeping bags, Mulder gets a concussion and Scully loses her shirt.


_Mulder: I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat was to crawl naked into a sleeping bag with someone else who is already naked. _

_Scully: Maybe if it starts raining sleeping bags, you might get lucky. _

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit is made with this piece of writing that was created solely for entertainment.

**Timeline:** Alternate version of S05E04, Detour

**Rating:** T

**Warnings:** This is my first X-files fanfiction ever, English is not my first language, no beta, and there is no porn in this story. (I sort of expect that's what you'd be looking for when a story starts with that quote.)

**A/N:** Let's start with a confession: I'm new to X-files. Yes, there are still such lost souls out there who haven't seen the show. But I'm going through treatment, about a season a week, and I'm expecting to be cured of this horrible illness in a couple of months.

I just finished season 5 and Detour jumped to the top of my favorite episodes list. I have not read a single X-files fanfiction in my life but I assume this has been done a billion times already. After all, I'm two decades late for this party and the scifi fandom is pretty creative bunch. I just started thinking how to make it rain sleeping bags and this is what came out.

This is for you, Sammie! I hope you'll feel better soon.  
(And for you, Mandy, Lucy and Tess, for getting me hooked on his show. I love you but I hate you.)

Let me know what you think!

* * *

**Careful What You Wish For**

Dana Scully stopped singing the moment she felt her partner relax into sleep on her lap. She kept her right hand on the gun while the left one was trying to keep Mulder warm by stroking his back. Her eyes kept scanning the forest around her, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

A low humming sound reached her ears and she soon recognized it as an airplane. The noise kept getting louder and louder, though, and a quick glance at the sky confirmed her suspicion that the small plane was flying lower than usual. It sounded like they were trying to re-start one of the engines. The noise woke up Mulder who asked something she couldn't hear over the coughing engine and the wind beating against the falling plane.

The next moments happened in a quick blur. One moment the plane was trying to start its engine, a buff of smoke drifting past the moon on the sky, the next something fell down from it and suddenly there was junk and pieces of wood flying everywhere. On instinct she tried to curl up around her injured partner, covering him the best she could. But it wasn't enough, she realized as she felt something sharp hit her back the same moment Mulder went limp on her arms, obviously unconscious.

~o~o~o~o~

"Wha-ah? What happened?" Mulder groaned and sat up slowly, rubbing his temple where a nasty bruise was already forming. He took a quick look around and blinked. Dreaming. He was obviously dreaming.

There was a fire blazing not ten feet from him and opened cans of food warming up around it. But the thing that confirmed it as a dream or a hallucination was the fact that Agent Scully was sitting next to said fire, wihtout a shirt. Her back was to him and she seemed to be busy searching through the bag on her lap which gave him a moment to appreciate the view without being interrupted. Not that he could see much with the light coming behind her like that, but he recognized naked skin when he saw it.

"You should be careful what you wish for, Mulder," she mumbled and glanced at him over her shoulder, then carefully lifted the bra strap that had slid down from her shoulder, a gesture which seemed almost seductive in the light of the fire.

Definitely dreaming, Mulder repeated to himself. Or suffering from a severe head injury.

"It actually rained sleeping bags," Scully said. "You got hit in the head with one."

Only then did he realize he was actually lying on something soft for a change. Closer inspection revealed that it was, indeed, a sleeping bag which had been unzipped and spread out. There were four more lying on the ground around him, still in their packages. If anything, that made him more confused, instead of explaining what was happening.

"What?" he tried again.

"A small plane was struggling and had to drop its cargo. I didn't hear a crash so I think it managed to pull up finally. From what I gathered, the wooden grate hit the rocks over there and the things flew all over the forest and us. Good news is that we have enough firewood to keep the fire burning all night."

"And the bad news?"

"Bad news is that you probably have a concussion on top of your other injuries and my back is full of cuts and splinters I can't reach to clean on my own."

"Well you'd better come over here then so I can help you out."

"Mulder..." she sighed and he swore he could _hear_ her roll her eyes.

"Or you can just stay there and be miserable. Can't say I'm complaining about the view."

"Mulder!"

"Sorry. Concussion, remember? Come on. I know doctors are the worst patients but you need to get it checked."

With a resigned sigh she sat down in front of him and handed him the first aid kit and flashlight she had found among the things that were spread all over the ground around them. Most of the cargo appeared to have been camping equipment though there was also a large amount of kids' clothes and what she suspected had been porcelain horses before they hit the ground. A very odd and creepy combination when spread on the forest floor.

"I need to clean your wounds as well, Mulder," she said out loud, trying to fill the awkward silence while he wiped her back clean with rubbing alcohol.

An odd, strangled sound that might have been some kind of word, came from behind her. Scully turned around with a frown on her face, only to find herself staring into the bright beam of the flashlight, unable to see the man that was holding it. Soon enough the light was lowered onto the ground.

"One functioning arm, Scully. I can't clean the wounds, hold a flashlight and talk at the same time."

"Right."

He lifted the lamp from the ground and placed it between his teeth again, then gently pushed her shoulder, urging her to turn her back to him again. She did her best to relax while he pulled the biggest splinters from her skin with tweezers and put a couple of band aids here and there. They were pink and had UFOs on them. Heaven only knows how they fit into the mix of cargo the plane was carrying but they needed to save the few bandages that were in the first aid kit to wrap Mulder's injuries which were far worse than hers.

"All done. No serious damage but you'll have a nice set of bruises by morning," he said and offered her the flashlight over her shoulder. After seeing the disgusted look on her face, he locked it between his knees and ran an alcohol soaked cotton ball over it before trying again. Getting a bit of his saliva on her hands seemed like a small problem in their situation but he decided to keep that thought to himself.

Scully thanked him and turned around, already in full doctor mode. He could tell from the look on her face, that little wrinkle between her eyebrows and the firm set of her jaw. Focused, determined, worried but hiding it under a professional bravado. Meet doctor Scully.

"Stop staring at my chest, Mulder," she mumbled in between poking the tender flesh, looking for signs of infection, or at least that's what he figured to be her reason. Unless she had developed some sadistic tendencies recently.

"Put on a shirt if you don't want me to stare."

"My shirt is in shreds, Mulder. And so is yours in a moment because I need to cut it if I want to wrap these wounds properly. You can't move the arm without causing further damage."

When he didn't comment anything, Scully glanced at his face, only to find him staring at her breasts with a goofy grin on his face. She rolled her eyes and reached for the scissors that were part of the first aid kit.

By the time she had finished cleaning the wounds, Mulder was shivering despite the fire just a few feet away.

"Come on," Scully mumbled and gently guided him to lie down.

She tucked him in and zipped up the sleeping bag before she went to retrieve their dinner which had been warming up near the fire. She picked one of the kid sized T-shirts that littered the ground around them. It was bright yellow in color and had a 'Mommy drinks because I cry' text printed on the front with big, black letters. "Doing a favor to a kid somewhere," she mumbled to herself as she wrapped the fabric around her hand so she could lift the food cans away without burning herself.

"You tuck me in _and_ feed me dinner?" Mulder asked when she sat down next to him. "Great service."

"Yes," she agreed while she poured the chicken soup into two cups she had managed to find. There were no spoons or forks but cups were better than trying to drink it straight from the hot metal can. "It's part of our all-inclusive, 'surrounded with man-eating monsters while stranded in the middle of nowhere' packet. Thank you for traveling with us, welcome aboard again." She balled up the T-shirt and tossed it into the fire.

Mulder chuckled a little and let her help his head on her lap so he could drink the soup. They were silent while they enjoyed their meals, both scanning the forest around them.

"Scully?" he whispered when they had both finished their meals.

"Yes, Mulder?"

"Remember what I said about sharing body heat?"

"I'm not getting naked in a sleeping bag with you, Mulder."

"It's really cold, Scully."

"It's really not, Mulder. The fire will keep us warm."

"Well _I'm_ cold."

She took a closer look at him and noticed he was shivering. He might be slipping into shock, she realized. Or he could just be looking for an excuse. She heaved a sigh and made a decision, then gently lowered his head from her lap so she could move.

"I'm keeping my pants on, Mulder."

~o~o~o~o~

"Agent Scully?"

She stirred awake and automatically aimed her gun at the intruder. She quickly lowered it when she recognized said intruder as Agent Stonecypher.

"You found us," she mumbled, still half asleep. She hadn't planned to fall asleep but it was hard to stay awake when- Damn. For a moment she had actually managed to forget that she was currently sharing a sleeping bag with her half naked partner. Well, technically two sleeping bags which were zipped together but still. He wasn't quite spooning her right now but his hand was resting on her hip and she could faintly feel his breath hitting the back of her neck if she focused on it. She decided it was better to focus on something else instead.

"It doesn't look like you wanted to be found just yet," Agent Kinsley commented.

"Do I need to remind you of the FBI rules, Agent Scully?" Stonecypher asked with a stern look on her face.

"He was going into shock," she explained and ran her hand through her hair, trying to put it in somewhat presentable order. Then she realized that only served to make her look more guilty of something that wasn't true. Especially because it revealed the fact that she wasn't wearing a shirt. The movement also made Mulder's hand slide down from her hip to her thigh but she suspected that was at least partially his doing.

"To be honest, Agent Scully, I'm getting there as well," the blonde said. "Shock, that is."

"Go find your own sleeping bag," Mulder mumbled and snuggled closer to her like a kitten searching for warmth.

"Mulder!" She tried to glare at him over her shoulder but it had little effect since his eyes were still closed.

"I was simply-" Scully started to explain to the pair of agents but stopped and groaned in frustration. Nothing she said would make a difference anyway. She squeezed the corner of the sleeping bag flap against her chest, not comfortable with the idea of sitting up without a shirt to wear and not quite willing to stay where she was, either. She managed to get a look at Mulder who seemed to be asleep, a happy little smile on his lips.

"Mulder, now would be a good time to snap out of it and say something useful."

The man grinned and finally opened her eyes, aiming his words at the blonde agent who had come to their rescue. "She's very warm and cuddly for someone so tiny."

"I said helpful, Mulder," she sighed and rubbed her face with her free hand.

"There was a monster attack and an incident with a cargo airplane. We both have minor injuries but we're fine. Managed to make it through the night without freezing. How's that, Scully?"

"Better, Mulder."

"Injured? Why didn't you say so!" Agent Kinsley admonished them.

"Maybe because you've been too busy looking for condom wrappers to notice the bruises and bandages on both of us?" Scully commented under her breath, earning more disapproving glares from the other two agents.

Luckily further conversation was cut short when the rest of the search and rescue team arrived and the EMTs whisked them away to be properly checked.

Twenty minutes later they were both wearing borrowed shirts, ready to head towards the civilization again.

"So, Scully?" he asked when they had been hiking for a few minutes.

"Yes, Mulder?"

"This all-inclusive packet of yours? Where do I book the next trip."

She huffed and kept walking, ignoring him. But she couldn't stop her lips from curling into a little smile.

Behind them a dark shadow slipped back underground, relieved to see the strangers leave.

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**A/N:** Thank you for reading! Feedback is always appreciated.


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